On having a no good, very bad, day.

Sometimes it's little things that build up over a long time and one day, you suddenly want to tear your hair out.

Sometimes there doesn't seem to be any reason to have a bad day. You had a good night's sleep, you've been exercising regularly and eating well. Things in life are generally smooth and you have been rolling with the silly or annoying little things that happen. But then it hits you; a terrible, no good, very bad day. And it bites.

Where did it come from? Why are you losing patience quicker than you can blink? Swallowing that tearful lump growing in your throat?

Today, I have been having one of those kind of days. The kind where I actually wish I could walk out of work, no questions asked and just turn up tomorrow like nothing happened. The sort of day where I should have just stayed in bed, because the stress was not worth the effort.

So, Tuesday, 23 March 2010, I quit today. You were a rubbish day and brought me little but grief and stress. I want tomorrow to be better. I want to have a happy, cheerful day.

The best part of today was a 'love note' from my momma and kashi go lean! crunch cereal. I think that made it bearable. Just about.

I wonder what other people do when they are having a bad day? Drink? Spend money?

A little honesty. And negativity.

I am always trying to see the good in everything. In each day. In the lady with the pram who ran me and a little, old lady over.

But today, I would like to admit that, despite having an amazing life. This is really hard. It's hard that I have a job I love that doesn't actually cover all my expenses or give me the full-time hours that I need.

It's hard for me to love someone so fiercely and immensely that I have pretty much given up my whole life for him. I think it's a little bit hard for him to see me do that, too.

It sucks that, like I tweeted earlier, everytime I contact my parents or my best friend, I am reminded of all that I am missing. And it really does feel like a little part of me is dying.

I am trying, everyday, to change that feeling. And you know what? That sucks, too.

I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, loathe entirely, being such a 'Debbie Downer'. (Bonus points if you know where the beginning of that last sentence is from!) But sometimes, I like to wallow in my despair. I think it helps me appreciate the good days and the great times. Knowing the sources of my upset help me to fight them better and it makes me stronger.

But, honestly, it sucks.

So, if you've been wondering where I have been since my return to England at the beginning of December, well, I've been wallowing. And working. Working through my wallowing. Getting to a better place now.