Freitag

1. Lots of gymming. Lovely. And productive! I'm finding muscles I never knew existed!
2. Wedding meeting today, which made me feel pretty good about things, despite my feeling of utter procrastination and apathy about doing anything. (I'm excited for the wedding, just lazy!)
3. Plants, flowers and sun! My seedlings of foxglove, calendula and sweet pea are growing like crazy!
4. Frogs! in the garden! (I haven't seen a frog in the 'wild' since I moved to England 4.5 years ago)
5. 3 hour nap this afternoon. It was delicious, even though I did miss pilates because of it.

Vendredi

01. Babysitting for a very cute 16 month old. The extra money is nice, too.
02. Plants are growing like CRAZY in the propagator. They cannot go outside for another 2-3 weeks!
03. 3-day weekend is the best thing about my job.
04. Finished a knitting project in 1.5 hours whilst waiting with a resident at the hospital.
05. C has a new job!!! (this is the best thing that has happened this week. so so so so so excited.)

A broken record.

1. Week Three of my return to the gym has gone well. Yoga, running, weights, I'm trying it all and trying to switch it up to keep my metabolism higher.
2. Productive meeting at work re: activities, bedridden residents and management expectations.
3. 3-day weekend. For C and I. Bliss.
4. New, improved grocery budget. I am excited about it. We will see how it goes.
5. My new desk is super cool and multi-purpose. It makes me happy just to see it!

Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday

Five on Friday.

1. C's birthday on Sunday! Pressies and cards prepared. Yay!
2. Listening to HP & the Philosopher's Stone audiobook. Love Stephen Fry as narrator. So relaxing.
3. Tidied flat, in preparation for guests this evening.
4. New, healthy meal plan!
5. Friends who are telepathic, or close to it.


Music: Scr00bius Pip, The Middle East, The Killers, Jack Johnson, The Good Life

Simple Things

I really enjoy being at home. I fully admit to being a homebody, while C is usually ready and willing to socialise and go out most every night of the week. We do a lot more home-based activities, as you may well guess.

But last night, we both had good evenings. I know C did, because I asked him and he animatedly told me about the gig he went to, the things he bought in London, how the band were on stage, etc. I was really glad that he had had a great night out.

I, obviously, was at home. And it was marvelous. I enjoyed my few hours home alone to watch my favourite TV show, work-out with Jillian Michaels and just be. I took the time to really relax, while doing a few things that I enjoy.

Those few hours of alone time and solitude were lovely. And I really relished the fact that when I am not working around someone else's schedule or priorities, I do not feel rushed or delayed in accomplishing the things I need to while enjoying my day.

It was enough to make me think. And to quell that visceral urge I have been having to call in sick, snuggle in bed an extra hour and then craft the rest of the day.

My few hours have given me more patience and appreciation in this small apartment. Maybe next time I'll come up with the solution to our space dilemma.

It really is the simple pleasures in life that are greatest. I should try to remind myself more often. It's easy to forget.

Friday, again.

One of my goals in life is to update this more regularly. One substantial post per week and my regular Friday gig. I'm obviously still working on it.

This week, I feel pulled in a few different directions, both emotionally and viscerally. It is difficult to explain. I feel the need to craft and hibernate with comforting smells and candles. Lots of blankets. At the same time, the snow is going. Will it be back? Probably. I hope.

I am also terribly excited because a lot of things are coming together wedding-wise and it just thrills me that this is going to happen. We are actually going to declare our love and committment to one another, in front of other people. Make it 'real'. As if it isn't real already.

Anyway, this week's five.

1. Love my oldies. At work. They are so funny.
2. Wedding things, hooray! & etsy purchases!
3. Successfully making scary phone calls to strangers. I have a love/hate relationship with the phone.
4. Knitting. I have been procrastinating some projects because I do not want to fail. But how will I be successful if I avoid something?
5. Slowly tackling my list. I should post my lists sometime. It would be amazing.

Friday Five

1. Snow. Again. How much do I love it?! SO MUCH!
2. Girls night tonight. Going to be much smaller than planned, but still going ahead.
3. Work has been really busy and fun. I like being there.
4. I have the best parents and the best life partner. I chose my family well.
5. New books and my library membership. <3

Music this week: Ska-P, Regina Spektor, Xavier Rudd, Soul Coughing, Newton Faulkner

Welcome, 2010!

Already four days into the newest year. Another decade. Where did 2009 go? It seems like a blur.

I feel like I am echoing other blogs I have read in the last few days, but really 2009 was a roller coaster. I shall be getting off now, please and thank you.

I hope that 2010 is a healthy, peaceful and happy year for me and C (and our families and friends!).

Goals for the year:

01. Get organised (clothes and crafts!)
02. Sort out space for crafting
03. Go to the library more.
04. Host a superfun wedding.
05. Fall in love again.
06. Find some good girl-friends.

Work, Virus, Christmas.

I have managed to work every shift that was offered to me this month. That means I've been at work or preparing to go to work every day this month except Fridays. And today.

Because today, I woke up with the virus that has been making the rounds at work forcing the whole home to institute a period of isolation from outside visitors or trips out. I am the first staff member to get it. And I come into contact with nearly every resident. Way to go, immune system.

Thank goodness the shopping for Friday has been long completed. Wrapping completed today while lying around.

I am glad that I have played the Christmas music to death the last few weeks. C has insinuated on several occasions that his ears may begin to spontaneously bleed if I play Frosty the Snowman one more time.

England has received more than it's requisite snow for the year. Beyond this stupid just in time for Christmas! illness, I feel great. I have accomplished a lot on my sick day, some cleaning and baking interspersed with resting. Tomorrow will be full of the same, since I will not be 24 hours clear to go back to work.

Is this illness a Christmas blessing in disguise? I have completely worn myself out at work the last couple of weeks. And I just said yesterday that I was bone tired. Christmas blessing or coincidence? Whichever it is, I am thankful for this illness. (I never thought I would write that sentence!)

I am looking forward to my days of rest. And I will be glad to return to work on Sunday, healthy and relaxed.

Friday Five.

01. SNOW! enough said.
02. day off for C (and me) so we have the snow day to spend together.
03. sewing.
04. Christmas in one week. Christmas baking to commence.
05. Hot water bottles to warm the bed. Mmmm cosy.

NaBloPoMo, the fail. & Friday Five

Sorry for the hiatus.

I will just summarise and say that Maryland and all its funtimes and lovely lovely people are distracting from the internet. That is GREAT for my mental health and I am so glad I failed NaBloPoMo because I got to see everyone, support the US economy, hug my grandma and it was all amazing.

Now for my Friday Five.

1. Christmas Music. Especially John Denver & The Muppets. 'Nough Said.
2. I am introducing C to the film A Christmas Story tonight. I hope he loves it. I do.
3. I have been making delicious salads. I think I have perfected salad (for me). Yum.
4. Changes to our flat are upcoming, which will make my quality of life SO MUCH BETTER. Very exciting.
5. Plans for better, cheaper socializing to hit our flat in the New Year. Also going to improve my quality of life.

Friday Five

As you are all aware, I have not had the best of weeks. But, TGIF. Some good things happened in with the bad things I was so focused on.

1. Making brownies.
2. Only the weekend to go, then I'm off to Maryland.
3. Lunch with a friend from my old office.
4. Skype w/ Lindsay. Sweet.
5. New plants in the garden from Chris' mum. She also brought me a beautiful necklace which was her grandmother's and then her mother's. I was really touched.

So yay Friday. Bring on Monday & Maryland!

IALAC.

I really hope that next week is the week I need to sort my head out. I am losing steam with everything lately. Well, just about everything. The gym and planning sessions are still going nicely and I'm still excited about them.

I am totally off my game this week. First, I realised I was slacking with the menu because I have very little inspiration to cook outside my comfort zone, yet want more new and interesting food. Then, it was 'lose your head if it's not attached to your body' because I was all over the place yesterday.

Today was ok. I accomplished some small tasks and made some plans for tomorrow. But I have had enough of this week and NaBloPoMo feels like it is kicking my butt. I am starting to find it hard to gather up the motivation and courage to post every day. Only 11 days to go though.

I will follow through with this post a day business. 11 days. Things will get better.

Next week is for me. I will come back to England, to C, to work, to menu planning and all the other nuances that make up my life with the ability to be better, do better and accomplish more. In the words of my high school health teacher, Mrs Susan Euker, 'I am loveable and capable'. Life will go on, I will strive to be better at holding onto it with both hands, instead of letting it drag me along.

Remember: I am loveable and capable.

Today should have been a duvet day.

I am supposed to start work at 10:30 a.m. This means I need to leave my house no later than 10 a.m. What time did I wake up this morning? Why yes, that would be 10 a.m. I'm not sure why I overslept because my alarm went off at its usual time, I got out of bed, brushed my teeth, etc. And GOT BACK IN BED!!!

So I jumped up at 10 a.m., dressed and put my hair up and ran out the door. I got to work with one minute to spare. And, wait for it...FORGOT MY UNIFORM. So drop my bag off and run home. Grab the uniform I left just inside the door and run back to work.

Finally clocked in, 30 minutes late. Thank dog for flex-time.

There were myriad things that just threw the day further into turmoil (at some point I sent an FML text to C). But the first few issues really had me frustrated. Because honestly, I should be in control of that stuff. And it frustrates me when I am forgetful and lazy and things just seem to be going wrong for no reason.

The day improved with the help of some of the lovely residents I work with and taking the time to let go of this morning's antics. How do you deal with days where the odds seem to be stacked against you?

There has got to be more than this.

I am stuck in a rut. A dinner rut, that is. I rotate the same ten or twelve meals and frankly, I am getting sick of it. Not sure whether C cares, but I'm sure he would be happy to have more variety.

Things I cook on a regular basis:

-Chicken Broccoli stir fry
-Mexican Beans and rice
-Chili
-Chicken, Mashed Potato and [insert vegetable]
-Turkey (or beef) burgers, wedges and raw vegetables
-Soup and toast or sandwich
-Mexican inspired food that fits in a tortilla
-Chicken and vegetable Curry
-Vegetarian Lasagne (C is not overly keen on this and then I end up with a lot of food leftover)
-Pasta

I need to find some inspiration for new, easy (and healthy!) dinners. Do you have a favourite dinner? Share the love? In the meantime, I guess I will pore over my cookbooks, Google and Martha Stewart for inspiration.

Back to reality.

After such a wonderful weekend, today was a bit tough to swallow. Even though I love my job.

Mondays are my long day and today was just like other Mondays, with extra assignments and questions to boot.

Some highlights of the fun:

-Whilst doing a 'quiz' with the residents, they were asked to complete the proverb given. I said, 'Every dog...' And one of the women said 'I know!' When asked what the rest of the proverb was she responds, "Every dog has a silver lining!"*

-We made Christmas cards today! It was fun to make a mess, be creative and play with scissors and glue.

-This evening I did a 'creative thinking' exercise based on Ernest Hemingway's short story: Baby shoes, for sale, never used. (Those six words are the entire story...) One of the residents told this story in six words: Car loses wheel, chauffeur takes charge. Another resident's story was 'wrought iron fence supports driver failure.'

And so things improved. When C picked me up, I was even happier. Friends and pub quiz made the night. I am glad that I am in a good spell now! Lots of goings on and laughing. Back to life, it is good.


*The correct answer was 'every dog has his day'. But the combining of 'every cloud has a silver lining' and 'every dog has his day' reminded me of Boondock Saints:

Doc: You know what they say: People in glass houses sink sh-sh-ships.
Rocco: Doc, I gotta buy you, like, a proverb book or something. This mix'n'match shit's gotta go.
Doc: What?
Connor: A penny saved is worth two in the bush, isn't it?
Murphy: And don't cross the road if you can't get out of the kitchen.

Another Sunday Poem

The October Garden
by Molly Fisk

If you were zinnia, still bright
in the October garden and I the last
orange cosmos. If you were catmint blue
draping yourself over the cinder block wall
and I the weed coming up through gravel.
If you were the bamboo pole, listing
under the weight of late green tomatoes
that will never ripen now, and I
the frayed string that binds them. If
you were heavy purple grapes dangling
over the canted railing and I the feasting
thrush. If you were summer's echo
in yellow coreopsis and I the tall sedum,
autumn-flushed. If you were the sun
breaking slant over that little grove of aspens
across the street, if you were hummingbird's
quick wing, if you were winter coming on
or the studious worm and I the turned
earth, the patch of moss beneath an oak,
the oak's sharp-edged leaf ready to crackle
underfoot, the white-throated sparrow's
familiar three descending notes in a minor
key, oh, if only I were sometimes
you and you were me.

-

This was a marvelous weekend. It was filled with gales of rain and laughter, cuddles and pie. We had family time and wedding time and couple time and alone time. And it was perfect.

Happy Friday the 13th!

Did you know that today, 13 November 2009, is the third Friday the 13th this year? And that three is the maximum number of times Friday the 13th can occur in any given year?

If not, now you do! And if you did, well done, have a hug or a biscuit.

Now for the Friday Five!

1. I have a three day weekend.
2. It has been raining for two days. And I love it.
3. I am planning some really cool things for our wedding and I am so excited about them. And so excited to be marrying C.
4. C and I are so incredibly happy together that it is disgusting sometimes. I wonder how I even got this lucky? I sometimes feel like I am cheating life, because there is no way I deserve this.
5. Maryland in 10! (TEN!!!!) 10 days. So very excited.

Do you think romantic chemistry is instant or evolving?

Have you ever given someone a second (or third) chance and lived to regret it? Have you ever fallen in love with someone you didn't particularly like or desire at first?

I think romantic chemistry can be both instant and evolving. Some people meet their significant other and have an instant connection that never waivers. Others take their time, either for personal or social reasons, to get to know and love someone.

I have never been the girl who immediately falls head over heels in love. I have never been in love at first sight with any of my ex-boyfriends. I did not fall in love with C at first sight (it probably helps that I was in a relationship with someone else when I first met C. The other relationship had concluded long before we got together.)

Giving second (and third) chances is also not really something I have done. I tend to make important decisions like that and stick with them. I don't think it is (or would be) fair for me to date someone I did not like (even platonically) more than once. If I think it's going somewhere, I say. If I don't, I try to be gently honest.

Around the time I graduated high school, there was a guy that I hadn't really taken any notice of. At our first meeting, I was not at all impressed with him. In fact, I recall that I thought he was a waste of time and a bit conceited. One of my friends was quite into him, but he was not into her. He convinced me to go on a few dates with him and I realised that we had similar goals and aspirations. I enjoyed spending time with him and I did fall in love with him. Unfortunately, falling in love with him cost me a friend. And he did end up breaking my heart.

But without him, I never would have met, befriended and fallen in love with C. We have been together 4 and 1/2 years and I hope that we are able to build a great, happy life together.

"All endings are also beginnings..." -Mitch Albom

When I lost my job at the end of June, I was devastated not so much about the job itself, but about the possibilities that it had closed for me. I felt very lost for a few days or a week and it felt strange to wake up in the morning and get dressed, only to stay at home.

After that first week of shock, I began to get into a routine of job searching, CV (or resume) updating/editing, going into town to pass my CV to anyone who was considering taking new employees and baking furiously.

I had a new beginning after the loss of my job when I really appreciated the time I spent at home (and job searching). When I started my current job, another transition occurred.

Switching jobs is only one type of ending and beginning. There are obviously other endings and beginnings that happen throughout life.

The big ending and beginning that is fast approaching for both C and I is our wedding next year. Yes, it is only one day. Yes, it should be an important day. It is not going to be "THE" most important day in our lives.

This is my issue with the wedding, and mine alone. It really comes to the heart of the question, what's in a name?

It is important to me because I will end my years as Danielle Lastname and begin my years as Danielle Hislastname. I am simultaneously looking forward to this ending and dreading it. The new beginning as C's wife and the beginning of our family together is exciting. I am glad to be choosing him. I am glad he chose me.

But changing my name seems so scary! My childhood nickname which was based on LastName will no longer apply. I am afraid to lose my father's last name, one that my brother and I share. Changing my name frightens me because somehow I feel I won't be as close to my father or brother, if I do not share their last name. I realise this is irrational and ludicrous, but it is one of my fears about all the changes that will occur when I marry C.

I am glad to have this new beginning with C. I choose him as my new 'first' family and I am (for the most part) happy to take his name. I will be sad to 'lose' my childhood name, but that name will always be mine and a part of me. I am not just Danielle Lastname. My identity transcends my name. The last name I share with my father and brother will always be mine and a part of me.

When I take C's last name, it will be for 'our family'. For us. For the children we may bring into the world one day. I choose C and I choose his last name. An ending for me. A beginning for us.