in which i review my epistemology and challenge my ontology of organised religion

I swear I do this every few months. And never get anywhere, so let's see if I can get to the bottom of my 'need' to go to church. I find it distressing that I don't have a community in this city. I just feel out of place. And I keep coming back to the question, is it cheap to make friends/build your community from a church setting?

What if your ontology (Ontology is concerned with the nature of being or reality. It seeks to answer the questions: What can be said to exist? Into what categories, if any, can we sort existing things?) Atheists cannot prove that God does not exist (any more than theists can prove that God does exist) regarding organised religion and god(s) is not fixed?

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I keep thinking that maybe I should find a church that fits. Or go back to any church, to see if Christianity fits. I miss the community and the intellectual stimulation of a church community. (I know, not all churches provide intellectual stimulation, but I am looking for the ability to question the church/holy book/etc and having a debate/discussion without being told to STFU).

My epistemological position is agnosticism, because there is insufficient knowledge to say that there is definitely a god/gods. Agnosticism is not a belief, per se, because agnostics cannot clearly assert a position.

Regarding my ontological position on god(s) and organised religion:

I grew up in church. I believed a lot of the morals, ethics and guidelines from a protestant perspective. I had respect for the Bible and the church and other believers. I don't think that the Bible is a non-fiction book, I don't think it is (or should be) part of modern Christianity to evangelise other cultures, people, religions, etc. I don't think that the Bible and church are the answer for everyone. I don't think they are the answer to everything.

I don't think people who participate in church or have most of their lives entwined with an organised religion are 'sheep'. I don't think that they 'don't know any better' or are stupid. I acknowledge their choice(s) and respect them. I admire the community that church or organised religions create. I admire believers' faith, devotion and tenacity in the face of hatred, scorn, ignorance and adversity.

I do not like the feeling that organised religion can influence my choice(s) about my body, home, family, dress, income and occupation. I do not want to be told how to worship or judged for the worship choice(s) I may make. I do not want a proscribed time, place, method or order for any worship I may/may not choose.

In short, my ontological position is that I believe there is a god or gods. I do not feel that attending Christian worship services will make me feel more comfortable with my beliefs or how I feel it is appropriate to act on those beliefs.

I think I have actually got this sorted out now. I feel much more at ease. A couple hours research into world religions, a review of my sociology notes on religion, and some soul-searching.

I do feel it is cheap to try to make friends/build a community for oneself through a church setting, if you are uncomfortable with church or organised religion. It is hypocritical, even if you believe in the same god(s) to participate in a service that is meaningless to you.

Despite everything, I think I can make this work for me. Maybe yoga or Taoism?