New Blog is up!

http://brattleroyal.wordpress.com/

Come join us!

Bringing down the blog

Ok my lovelies. This blog is on it's way out.

We will be moving to a 'family' blog in September. Until then, there will be no more updates on Despite Everything. It has never really felt like home and I am excited for all the changes this year is bringing.

Onwards and upwards.

Check back for the new blog address to be announced on August 1.

Friday I'm in Love!

This week has been an incredible roller coaster. Today (and yesterday) have been marvelous. So much love for the weekend. Without further ado...

01. NEW BIKE. Technically it's for my birthday which is approximately 10 days away. But it's built and gorgeous and comfortable and squeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
02. Gardening. So relaxing. I spent all Thursday afternoon loving on my little garden. It holds up well to my neglect.
03. Old Bay is my most favourite-ist potato wedge/french fry flavour ever. It just oozes nostalgia and delicious. My favourite dinners lately have Old Bay wedges (once every week or two).
04. The sunny weather that England has been enjoying has made my garden and my mental health grow stronger.
05. I love when I go to the gym and just go all out for the whole 90-120 minutes I'm there. It makes me feel so invigourated, healthy and whole. (I have been pretty lax on the gym lately...bad.)

Songs this week: (down from bands/artists, I am on a repeating songs phase.)

01. Dr Frankenstein by Jack Savoretti
02. Will you return? by The Avett Brothers
03. Paranoia in B-Flat Major by The Avett Brothers
04. Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons
05. Ghost by Bombay Bicycle Club


Off cycling on Sunday, so look forward to a photo post sometime next week!

Holy Friday, Batman!

It's already Friday?! Man, the weeks are passing quickly! C and I have been engaged for over a year now.

Today has been stressful. I am trying to do quite a bit of wedding buying/paying deposits now that most everything has been planned. I use an American bank card for this...until I couldn't use it today! So there was some drama. I have used it relatively easily until now.

It has been sorted out, but I was pretty tense for a few hours.

This week's five:

01. Roast chicken. So delicious.
02. Plants are growing like crazy. I can't wait to put them out in the garden.
03. Being under budget on food shopping. I love deals.
04. New dress. Hopefully party worthy. (for rehearsal dinner, etc)
05. The library. I have a goal of reading 75 books before my 26th birthday (May 2011) and I am already ten down. So 65 to go.


Music is roughly the same as last week. With a resurgence of Allo Darlin'.

Five for Friday

a. Warm weather. Says it all.
b. Generous friends and family. Thank you! We love you!
c. Progress on wedding stuff. Big and small.
d. Talking to Lindsay. Makes my day.
e. Music is such a salve for the soul. It makes every day that little bit brighter.

Music: Mumford & Sons, The Avett Brothers, Bombay Bicycle Club, Jack Savoretti, The Middle East, John Butler Trio.

Friday Five & Music

01. Homemade curry for dinner. Delish.
02. Cleaning, cleaning and cleaning. The flat is looking sparkly.
03. New seeds planted, hopefully they grow and it warms up so I can move my little greenhouse operation outside.
04. Invitation mock up looking great. I am excited that we decided to do these ourselves.
05. Great workout this A.M., despite the gym opening late for Good Friday. I can run for 13 minutes now!!


Music this week: The Avett Brothers (Emotionalism); Mumford & Sons; The Cinematic Orchestra (To Make a Home)

Five For Friday

01. Milkshake (Oreo & Reese's). Not in the wedding dress plan, but sometimes indulgence is good.
02. Good books. I finished The Year of Pleasures by Elizabeth Berg today. I've already started reading it again. SO GOOD.
03. Started booking honeymoon things! Wheee!
04. Babysitting is fun!
05. I heard from my dad (he's in Afghanistan right now) and that made me feel a lot better. I was seriously stressing about it.

On having a no good, very bad, day.

Sometimes it's little things that build up over a long time and one day, you suddenly want to tear your hair out.

Sometimes there doesn't seem to be any reason to have a bad day. You had a good night's sleep, you've been exercising regularly and eating well. Things in life are generally smooth and you have been rolling with the silly or annoying little things that happen. But then it hits you; a terrible, no good, very bad day. And it bites.

Where did it come from? Why are you losing patience quicker than you can blink? Swallowing that tearful lump growing in your throat?

Today, I have been having one of those kind of days. The kind where I actually wish I could walk out of work, no questions asked and just turn up tomorrow like nothing happened. The sort of day where I should have just stayed in bed, because the stress was not worth the effort.

So, Tuesday, 23 March 2010, I quit today. You were a rubbish day and brought me little but grief and stress. I want tomorrow to be better. I want to have a happy, cheerful day.

The best part of today was a 'love note' from my momma and kashi go lean! crunch cereal. I think that made it bearable. Just about.

I wonder what other people do when they are having a bad day? Drink? Spend money?

Freitag

1. Lots of gymming. Lovely. And productive! I'm finding muscles I never knew existed!
2. Wedding meeting today, which made me feel pretty good about things, despite my feeling of utter procrastination and apathy about doing anything. (I'm excited for the wedding, just lazy!)
3. Plants, flowers and sun! My seedlings of foxglove, calendula and sweet pea are growing like crazy!
4. Frogs! in the garden! (I haven't seen a frog in the 'wild' since I moved to England 4.5 years ago)
5. 3 hour nap this afternoon. It was delicious, even though I did miss pilates because of it.

Vendredi

01. Babysitting for a very cute 16 month old. The extra money is nice, too.
02. Plants are growing like CRAZY in the propagator. They cannot go outside for another 2-3 weeks!
03. 3-day weekend is the best thing about my job.
04. Finished a knitting project in 1.5 hours whilst waiting with a resident at the hospital.
05. C has a new job!!! (this is the best thing that has happened this week. so so so so so excited.)

Friday Funday

Hooray for Friday!

1. Girls night tonight.
2. Sewing machines have gone for repair. Should be right as rain by next week. w00t.
3. Growing plants for an awesome summer garden. Excitement.
4. Cheaper, lovelier wedding shoes. I love a bargain.
5. 3 day week. A good time.

Friday's back, back again.

This has been a productive week. I have felt good all week, minus the lovely cold virus clogging up my sinuses.

Maybe it's because the weather's changing. Or because I had an epiphany last week. Or because I am more committed to the gym than ever. (Yes, I did go to the gym with a cold. I washed my hands prior to working out and used alcogel. Also, I wipe down the machines I've used, unlike all my gym comrades.)

Whatever the reason that this week was good, I hope it continues. I will keep on with the gym and trying to stay organised in the hope that it will keep me from feeling like the week has passed without accomplishment.

This week's five:

1. New music coming to me. (What Amazon addiction?! Who? Me?) Any other suggestions?
2. Hannah's pancakes. Om nom nom.
3. Tidy flat. Mostly. (If only the piles of clean laundry would sort, fold and hang themselves.)
4. Flexible-ish work schedule.
5. Thank you cards/notes for the little things. So nice.

Listening to: Avett Brothers, Be Good Tanyas, The Middle East, The Everybodyfields, Jack Savoretti and Xavier Rudd

in which she muses about the direction of blogging...

I have so many things to write down. Yet it never gets done. I can never get myself organised enough, life gets busy, I get more disorganised and/or unmotivated and then I forget what was so important that I wanted to say. It's a dreadful cycle.

I am troubled by how much I should actually say on this blog. Who reads? Would I want my mother or grandmother to read some of my opinionated rants? There is a fine line that I think I should tread, though I am uncertain where the line is.

Putting very personal and emotional stories out here would be more straightforward. However, most of my family and C's family are not emotional exhibitionists like myself. Again, the struggle with the line. Where is it? If I am giving voice to my experiences and possibly C's as well, does that create difficulty for family (potentially) reading this blog?

It is very unclear where the line is on all these things. That said, I am going to continue with my Friday Fives, and mull over where this blog will be going. If it is going anywhere.

something different.

it's friday. and i have my five. but first i want everyone out there reading this blip in cyberspace, my tiny space in the worldwide web, to read this outloud. this is for you.


"Say Yes" Andrea Gibson


when two violins are placed in a room
if a chord on one violin is struck
the other violin will sound the note
if this is your definition of hope
this is for you
the ones who know how powerful we are
who know we can sound the music in the people around us
simply by playing our own strings
for the ones who sing life into broken wings
open their chests and offer their breath
as wind on a still day when nothing seems to be moving
spare those intent on proving god is dead
for you when your fingers are red
from clutching your heart
so it will beat faster
for the time you mastered the art of giving yourself for the sake of someone else
for the ones who have felt what it is to crush the lies
and lift truth so high the steeples bow to the sky
this is for you
this is also for the people who wake early to watch flowers bloom
who notice the moon at noon on a day when the world
has slapped them in the face with its lack of light
for the mothers who feed their children first
and thirst for nothing when they’re full


this is for women
and for the men who taught me only women bleed with the moon
but there are men who cry when women bleed
men who bleed from women’s wounds
and this is for that moon
on the nights she seems hung by a noose
for the people who cut her loose
and for the people still waiting for the rope to burn
about to learn they have scissors in their hands


this is for the man who showed me
the hardest thing about having nothing
is having nothing to give
who said the only reason to live is to give ourselves away
so this is for the day we’ll quit or jobs and work for something real
we’ll feel for sunshine in the shadows
look for sunrays in the shade
this is for the people who rattle the cage that slave wage built
and for the ones who didn’t know the filth until tonight
but right now are beginning songs that sound something like
people turning their porch lights on and calling the homeless back home


this is for all the shit we own
and for the day we’ll learn how much we have
when we learn to give that shit away
this is for doubt becoming faith
for falling from grace and climbing back up
for trading our silver platters for something that matters
like the gold that shines from our hands when we hold each other


this is for the grandmother who walked a thousand miles on broken glass
to find that single patch of grass to plant a family tree
where the fruit would grow to laugh
for the ones who know the math of war
has always been subtraction
so they live like an action of addition
for you when you give like every star is wishing on you
and for the people still wishing on stars
this is for you too


this is for the times you went through hell so someone else wouldn’t have to
for the time you taught a 14 year old girl she was powerful
this is for the time you taught a 14 year old boy he was beautiful
for the radical anarchist asking a republican to dance
cause what’s the chance of everyone moving from right to left
if the only moves they see are NBC and CBS
this is for the no becoming yes
for scars becoming breath
for saying i love you to people who will never say it to us
for scraping away the rust and remembering how to shine
for the dime you gave away when you didn’t have a penny
for the many beautiful things we do
for every song we’ve ever sung
for refusing to believe in miracles
because miracles are the impossible coming true
and everything is possible


this is for the possibility that guides us
and for the possibilities still waiting to sing
and spread their wings inside us
cause tonight saturn is on his knees
proposing with all of his ten thousand rings
that whatever song we’ve been singing we sing even more
the world needs us right now more than it ever has before
pull all your strings
play every chord
if you’re writing letters to the prisoners
start tearing down the bars
if you’re handing our flashlights in the dark
start handing our stars
never go a second hushing the percussion of your heart
play loud
play like you know the clouds have left too many people cold and broken
and you’re their last chance for sun
play like there’s no time for hoping brighter days will come
play like the apocalypse is only 4…3…2
but you have a drum in your chest that could save us
you have a song like a breath that could raise us
like the sunrise into a dark sky that cries to be blue
play like you know we won’t survive if you don’t
but we will if you do
play like saturn is on his knees
proposing with all of his ten thousand rings
that we give every single breath
this is for saying-yes

this is for saying-yes



and the five:
01. finding money.
02. realising that i can be in control of my life and my stuff, if only i can stay engaged with life and have awareness.
03. free museum trips. van gogh exhibition rocked.
04. feeling healthy and sticking to planned meals.
05. planning our honeymoon.

A broken record.

1. Week Three of my return to the gym has gone well. Yoga, running, weights, I'm trying it all and trying to switch it up to keep my metabolism higher.
2. Productive meeting at work re: activities, bedridden residents and management expectations.
3. 3-day weekend. For C and I. Bliss.
4. New, improved grocery budget. I am excited about it. We will see how it goes.
5. My new desk is super cool and multi-purpose. It makes me happy just to see it!

Friday Friday Friday Friday Friday

Five on Friday.

1. C's birthday on Sunday! Pressies and cards prepared. Yay!
2. Listening to HP & the Philosopher's Stone audiobook. Love Stephen Fry as narrator. So relaxing.
3. Tidied flat, in preparation for guests this evening.
4. New, healthy meal plan!
5. Friends who are telepathic, or close to it.


Music: Scr00bius Pip, The Middle East, The Killers, Jack Johnson, The Good Life

It's true, I like depressing music.

I play music almost constantly. You can tell when I am not happy, do not have myself together or if I am depressed because music will not be playing, and I do not want to hear anyone else's music either.

I have been told several times over my life that I listen to depressing music. And I'm finally admitting that it's true. I do listen to depressing music. It reminds me how far I have come and how far I have to go. It makes me think that the things I have experienced have a voice. That those experiences may have been bad or unpleasant or just sad but I have survived. Just as others have. I do not feel so alone when I have my music.

This is currently one of the songs in my rotation of music.(I wanted to embed the song in the post, but it was not working! If anyone has any insight, I would love it.)

Who are your favourite bands or artists? What draws you to a particular song or style of music?

Friday, Friday, Friday

Lots of good stuff going on over here. Working on a big post (possibly with pictures, if I can figure that out).

Here's this week's five:

1. Massage. Oh, my goodness. Sweet, sweet relief and relaxation.
2. Cinema during the day with a friend. We both have off Thurs/Fri so are going to make daytime hanging out happen once a week.
3. Evening socialising. I can actually do this, have a nice time, get to bed at a decent hour and function the next day. Who knew?
4. Return to the gym: The asskicking. Week 1 went well. Now on to week 2.
5. Really excited to be actualizing the goals that I made for this year/the next 18 months.

Music: Ignite, Lady Gaga, Missy Elliott, Allo Darlin' and The Levellers

Friday Five & Music

1. Three day weekend with grand plans for relaxing, visiting and home improvement.
2. Wedding dress has been purchased. At the 2009 price. Go me for haggling that one!
3. Insomnia causes me to have all sorts of cool ideas. And I wrote some of them down this time!
4. A really lovely stranger paid my taxi fare this morning. I was so grateful for that little reprieve.
5. Free cinema trip on Wednesday with work, to see Amelia. It was much better than I expected, but oh-so-sad. Even though I already knew the ending.

Music of the week: The Middle East, Xavier Rudd, Newton Faulkner, Indigo Girls, They Might Be Giants

Simple Things

I really enjoy being at home. I fully admit to being a homebody, while C is usually ready and willing to socialise and go out most every night of the week. We do a lot more home-based activities, as you may well guess.

But last night, we both had good evenings. I know C did, because I asked him and he animatedly told me about the gig he went to, the things he bought in London, how the band were on stage, etc. I was really glad that he had had a great night out.

I, obviously, was at home. And it was marvelous. I enjoyed my few hours home alone to watch my favourite TV show, work-out with Jillian Michaels and just be. I took the time to really relax, while doing a few things that I enjoy.

Those few hours of alone time and solitude were lovely. And I really relished the fact that when I am not working around someone else's schedule or priorities, I do not feel rushed or delayed in accomplishing the things I need to while enjoying my day.

It was enough to make me think. And to quell that visceral urge I have been having to call in sick, snuggle in bed an extra hour and then craft the rest of the day.

My few hours have given me more patience and appreciation in this small apartment. Maybe next time I'll come up with the solution to our space dilemma.

It really is the simple pleasures in life that are greatest. I should try to remind myself more often. It's easy to forget.

Friday, again.

One of my goals in life is to update this more regularly. One substantial post per week and my regular Friday gig. I'm obviously still working on it.

This week, I feel pulled in a few different directions, both emotionally and viscerally. It is difficult to explain. I feel the need to craft and hibernate with comforting smells and candles. Lots of blankets. At the same time, the snow is going. Will it be back? Probably. I hope.

I am also terribly excited because a lot of things are coming together wedding-wise and it just thrills me that this is going to happen. We are actually going to declare our love and committment to one another, in front of other people. Make it 'real'. As if it isn't real already.

Anyway, this week's five.

1. Love my oldies. At work. They are so funny.
2. Wedding things, hooray! & etsy purchases!
3. Successfully making scary phone calls to strangers. I have a love/hate relationship with the phone.
4. Knitting. I have been procrastinating some projects because I do not want to fail. But how will I be successful if I avoid something?
5. Slowly tackling my list. I should post my lists sometime. It would be amazing.

Friday Five

1. Snow. Again. How much do I love it?! SO MUCH!
2. Girls night tonight. Going to be much smaller than planned, but still going ahead.
3. Work has been really busy and fun. I like being there.
4. I have the best parents and the best life partner. I chose my family well.
5. New books and my library membership. <3

Music this week: Ska-P, Regina Spektor, Xavier Rudd, Soul Coughing, Newton Faulkner

Welcome, 2010!

Already four days into the newest year. Another decade. Where did 2009 go? It seems like a blur.

I feel like I am echoing other blogs I have read in the last few days, but really 2009 was a roller coaster. I shall be getting off now, please and thank you.

I hope that 2010 is a healthy, peaceful and happy year for me and C (and our families and friends!).

Goals for the year:

01. Get organised (clothes and crafts!)
02. Sort out space for crafting
03. Go to the library more.
04. Host a superfun wedding.
05. Fall in love again.
06. Find some good girl-friends.