A little honesty. And negativity.

I am always trying to see the good in everything. In each day. In the lady with the pram who ran me and a little, old lady over.

But today, I would like to admit that, despite having an amazing life. This is really hard. It's hard that I have a job I love that doesn't actually cover all my expenses or give me the full-time hours that I need.

It's hard for me to love someone so fiercely and immensely that I have pretty much given up my whole life for him. I think it's a little bit hard for him to see me do that, too.

It sucks that, like I tweeted earlier, everytime I contact my parents or my best friend, I am reminded of all that I am missing. And it really does feel like a little part of me is dying.

I am trying, everyday, to change that feeling. And you know what? That sucks, too.

I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, loathe entirely, being such a 'Debbie Downer'. (Bonus points if you know where the beginning of that last sentence is from!) But sometimes, I like to wallow in my despair. I think it helps me appreciate the good days and the great times. Knowing the sources of my upset help me to fight them better and it makes me stronger.

But, honestly, it sucks.

So, if you've been wondering where I have been since my return to England at the beginning of December, well, I've been wallowing. And working. Working through my wallowing. Getting to a better place now.