Vendredi

01. Babysitting for a very cute 16 month old. The extra money is nice, too.
02. Plants are growing like CRAZY in the propagator. They cannot go outside for another 2-3 weeks!
03. 3-day weekend is the best thing about my job.
04. Finished a knitting project in 1.5 hours whilst waiting with a resident at the hospital.
05. C has a new job!!! (this is the best thing that has happened this week. so so so so so excited.)

"All endings are also beginnings..." -Mitch Albom

When I lost my job at the end of June, I was devastated not so much about the job itself, but about the possibilities that it had closed for me. I felt very lost for a few days or a week and it felt strange to wake up in the morning and get dressed, only to stay at home.

After that first week of shock, I began to get into a routine of job searching, CV (or resume) updating/editing, going into town to pass my CV to anyone who was considering taking new employees and baking furiously.

I had a new beginning after the loss of my job when I really appreciated the time I spent at home (and job searching). When I started my current job, another transition occurred.

Switching jobs is only one type of ending and beginning. There are obviously other endings and beginnings that happen throughout life.

The big ending and beginning that is fast approaching for both C and I is our wedding next year. Yes, it is only one day. Yes, it should be an important day. It is not going to be "THE" most important day in our lives.

This is my issue with the wedding, and mine alone. It really comes to the heart of the question, what's in a name?

It is important to me because I will end my years as Danielle Lastname and begin my years as Danielle Hislastname. I am simultaneously looking forward to this ending and dreading it. The new beginning as C's wife and the beginning of our family together is exciting. I am glad to be choosing him. I am glad he chose me.

But changing my name seems so scary! My childhood nickname which was based on LastName will no longer apply. I am afraid to lose my father's last name, one that my brother and I share. Changing my name frightens me because somehow I feel I won't be as close to my father or brother, if I do not share their last name. I realise this is irrational and ludicrous, but it is one of my fears about all the changes that will occur when I marry C.

I am glad to have this new beginning with C. I choose him as my new 'first' family and I am (for the most part) happy to take his name. I will be sad to 'lose' my childhood name, but that name will always be mine and a part of me. I am not just Danielle Lastname. My identity transcends my name. The last name I share with my father and brother will always be mine and a part of me.

When I take C's last name, it will be for 'our family'. For us. For the children we may bring into the world one day. I choose C and I choose his last name. An ending for me. A beginning for us.

Not too hopeful...yet.

Today I went to a little meet & greet thing at the residential nursing home nearby. They have an opening for an assistant post that I am interested in. I think it went pretty well, given that I don't have any qualifications with the demographics at the home.

Hopefully next week I will get a call about that or one of the other posts I've applied for this week.

I would really like a total career change. I need to do something more nurturing and giving back. It's not in my nature to engage in activities or jobs that just take from everyone.

Have you changed career? How did you do it?

I feel like an actor that has been typecast in a role that is so foreign to me, I can't even relate.

Searching...

I have two appointments later with the job agencies in town. I have realised that I would like the following:

1. A casual dress code

2. Less restrictive timesheets (accounting for each 5-minute increment of your day for 7.5 hours is the best way to take the joy out of a job. Promise.)

3. I need to be able to get to work by walking, minimal public transport or cycling.

4. If I can work from home, that would be perfect.

5. Also, would like my salary to be close to what I was earning previously.

That's not too much to ask, right?

What's that you say? Pigs will fly?

I am sure I can meet three of those five. Probably not all of them. If I can find a job that meets three of the five and provides me with some job security (i.e. I am there temporarily and know it or I sign a contract for a year), I will be extremely happy.

One benefit to this whole redundancy thing has been more time with C. Also, it's summer. And England is in the midst of a heat wave! Sunny days, warm weather, loud music...I got it made.

Despite everything, there really is a silver lining to this unemployment.