in which she muses about the direction of blogging...

I have so many things to write down. Yet it never gets done. I can never get myself organised enough, life gets busy, I get more disorganised and/or unmotivated and then I forget what was so important that I wanted to say. It's a dreadful cycle.

I am troubled by how much I should actually say on this blog. Who reads? Would I want my mother or grandmother to read some of my opinionated rants? There is a fine line that I think I should tread, though I am uncertain where the line is.

Putting very personal and emotional stories out here would be more straightforward. However, most of my family and C's family are not emotional exhibitionists like myself. Again, the struggle with the line. Where is it? If I am giving voice to my experiences and possibly C's as well, does that create difficulty for family (potentially) reading this blog?

It is very unclear where the line is on all these things. That said, I am going to continue with my Friday Fives, and mull over where this blog will be going. If it is going anywhere.

Welcome, 2010!

Already four days into the newest year. Another decade. Where did 2009 go? It seems like a blur.

I feel like I am echoing other blogs I have read in the last few days, but really 2009 was a roller coaster. I shall be getting off now, please and thank you.

I hope that 2010 is a healthy, peaceful and happy year for me and C (and our families and friends!).

Goals for the year:

01. Get organised (clothes and crafts!)
02. Sort out space for crafting
03. Go to the library more.
04. Host a superfun wedding.
05. Fall in love again.
06. Find some good girl-friends.

Friends.

Do you have a best friend? I'm sure you do. Most people do, even if they don't call them by that term. Maybe your best friend is your sister, brother, cousin or even your significant other or spouse. That person is your go-to person, the person you laugh with, cry with, shout at (sometimes for no particular reason).

I have been so lucky in life, to have grown up with my best friend. I also had a small group of close friends. The five (or six, depending on when) of us were together in some permutation most of the time. Sometimes, I miss those days.

And other days, I blame those days because I know what I am missing in my current 'community' and living situation. How does one make new friends? My partner is a wonderful person and very supportive, but he is not the beginning or the end of my life. I need more friends and a good network, like the one I had growing up.

Damn, I miss those girls. D'you hear me?! I miss YOU!

I get plenty of socialisation at work. The problem is, I need more socialisation with people my own age. For instance, when C is not home or out with his friends, can I call someone or have made plans in advance? Since there are only one or two people to call and they are also busy people, this makes me feel a nuisance. If I had more of a group to hang out with, I would feel less like a bother to the few people I do know.

Searching...

I have two appointments later with the job agencies in town. I have realised that I would like the following:

1. A casual dress code

2. Less restrictive timesheets (accounting for each 5-minute increment of your day for 7.5 hours is the best way to take the joy out of a job. Promise.)

3. I need to be able to get to work by walking, minimal public transport or cycling.

4. If I can work from home, that would be perfect.

5. Also, would like my salary to be close to what I was earning previously.

That's not too much to ask, right?

What's that you say? Pigs will fly?

I am sure I can meet three of those five. Probably not all of them. If I can find a job that meets three of the five and provides me with some job security (i.e. I am there temporarily and know it or I sign a contract for a year), I will be extremely happy.

One benefit to this whole redundancy thing has been more time with C. Also, it's summer. And England is in the midst of a heat wave! Sunny days, warm weather, loud music...I got it made.

Despite everything, there really is a silver lining to this unemployment.