in which i review my epistemology and challenge my ontology of organised religion

I swear I do this every few months. And never get anywhere, so let's see if I can get to the bottom of my 'need' to go to church. I find it distressing that I don't have a community in this city. I just feel out of place. And I keep coming back to the question, is it cheap to make friends/build your community from a church setting?

What if your ontology (Ontology is concerned with the nature of being or reality. It seeks to answer the questions: What can be said to exist? Into what categories, if any, can we sort existing things?) Atheists cannot prove that God does not exist (any more than theists can prove that God does exist) regarding organised religion and god(s) is not fixed?

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I keep thinking that maybe I should find a church that fits. Or go back to any church, to see if Christianity fits. I miss the community and the intellectual stimulation of a church community. (I know, not all churches provide intellectual stimulation, but I am looking for the ability to question the church/holy book/etc and having a debate/discussion without being told to STFU).

My epistemological position is agnosticism, because there is insufficient knowledge to say that there is definitely a god/gods. Agnosticism is not a belief, per se, because agnostics cannot clearly assert a position.

Regarding my ontological position on god(s) and organised religion:

I grew up in church. I believed a lot of the morals, ethics and guidelines from a protestant perspective. I had respect for the Bible and the church and other believers. I don't think that the Bible is a non-fiction book, I don't think it is (or should be) part of modern Christianity to evangelise other cultures, people, religions, etc. I don't think that the Bible and church are the answer for everyone. I don't think they are the answer to everything.

I don't think people who participate in church or have most of their lives entwined with an organised religion are 'sheep'. I don't think that they 'don't know any better' or are stupid. I acknowledge their choice(s) and respect them. I admire the community that church or organised religions create. I admire believers' faith, devotion and tenacity in the face of hatred, scorn, ignorance and adversity.

I do not like the feeling that organised religion can influence my choice(s) about my body, home, family, dress, income and occupation. I do not want to be told how to worship or judged for the worship choice(s) I may make. I do not want a proscribed time, place, method or order for any worship I may/may not choose.

In short, my ontological position is that I believe there is a god or gods. I do not feel that attending Christian worship services will make me feel more comfortable with my beliefs or how I feel it is appropriate to act on those beliefs.

I think I have actually got this sorted out now. I feel much more at ease. A couple hours research into world religions, a review of my sociology notes on religion, and some soul-searching.

I do feel it is cheap to try to make friends/build a community for oneself through a church setting, if you are uncomfortable with church or organised religion. It is hypocritical, even if you believe in the same god(s) to participate in a service that is meaningless to you.

Despite everything, I think I can make this work for me. Maybe yoga or Taoism?

i will be back.

my absence has mainly been due to my new job. 5 weeks there! yay!

i have a lot going on at the moment, but i have an introspective post coming up.

i will return. posting will be more regular - shortly.

Not too hopeful...yet.

Today I went to a little meet & greet thing at the residential nursing home nearby. They have an opening for an assistant post that I am interested in. I think it went pretty well, given that I don't have any qualifications with the demographics at the home.

Hopefully next week I will get a call about that or one of the other posts I've applied for this week.

I would really like a total career change. I need to do something more nurturing and giving back. It's not in my nature to engage in activities or jobs that just take from everyone.

Have you changed career? How did you do it?

I feel like an actor that has been typecast in a role that is so foreign to me, I can't even relate.

Searching...

I have two appointments later with the job agencies in town. I have realised that I would like the following:

1. A casual dress code

2. Less restrictive timesheets (accounting for each 5-minute increment of your day for 7.5 hours is the best way to take the joy out of a job. Promise.)

3. I need to be able to get to work by walking, minimal public transport or cycling.

4. If I can work from home, that would be perfect.

5. Also, would like my salary to be close to what I was earning previously.

That's not too much to ask, right?

What's that you say? Pigs will fly?

I am sure I can meet three of those five. Probably not all of them. If I can find a job that meets three of the five and provides me with some job security (i.e. I am there temporarily and know it or I sign a contract for a year), I will be extremely happy.

One benefit to this whole redundancy thing has been more time with C. Also, it's summer. And England is in the midst of a heat wave! Sunny days, warm weather, loud music...I got it made.

Despite everything, there really is a silver lining to this unemployment.

I'm still alive.

Today, I was made redundant. The Americans would say I lost my job. Well, I did lose it. The job, that is. I didn't really do well in the work, I was not so suited to an office atmosphere, but at the same time, the management also took my job from me.

I was told that I am a hard worker, they appreciated that I was always willing to take anything they asked of me (however menial) but that I was not suited to the profession. They didn't feel I was taking on the work out of enjoyment. Which is true. But still hurtful and sort of humiliating.

I cleared my desk. Told my coworkers. Left early, understandably.

Called the requisite people-parents, C. Decided not to wallow and got my stuff together for a bike ride.

Went to meet PM for the ride and trail clearing we had arranged. Got half-way to the meeting place...and broke my bike. The chain was sucked back since it wasn't shifting gear properly. It was stuck between my rear mech and the spokes.

Carried my bike as far as possible and found PM. Trying to fix my bike in a field with no tools. That was interesting.

Some of the exchanges with passersby:

'That looks bad.'
(Well...yea.)
'You should probably get some tools.'
(Really?! Hadn't thought of that, Captain Obvious.)
'Do you need me to call for help? Yanno, like a paramedic?'
(How is that going to help? Do paramedics now fix bikes?)

Finally, PM and I decided that he couldn't fix it in the field and we would have to go back to the flat. C was out and I didn't know where to find the necessary tools, so just told PM to find what he needed and fix it...

30 minutes later...I have a twisted rear mech hanger, sheared spokes and frayed nerves. But the bike is fixed.

We decide to scrap the ride. Pub sounds good. A drink later, some laughs. The day is almost passing as acceptable.

Off to jump into the unemployment pool. Til tomorrow.