Each Friday, I will be posting five things that were good about the week. These could be really exciting or fairly mundane. I do this list every week in my notebooks or in my day planner. It really helps me to see all the good things in my life.
1. A great fiance, who does dishes, takes out rubbish and takes me to the supermarket at 9 p.m. to buy cake.
2. The gym at the end of my road. Making it easier to get healthy (forget what I just said about cake, ok?) and there are no excuses because it is so close!
3. A job that makes me laugh everyday. (I will share some funny stories soon!)
4. Phone calls from my mom. Even though I know she misses me, she still finds the strength to encourage me to pursue and live my dream every day.
5. My day off on Fridays. I love waking up a little bit later, going to the gym, lounging in my pajamas and then running errands and doing housework. I would be a great stay at home person.
Share your Friday Five on your blog or in the comments! Hope you've had a good week!
Friday, 6 November 2009
Thursday, 5 November 2009
my confession and a memory.
On average, it rains 200 days per year in England. Over that two-hundred or so days, it rains more than 30 inches.
I love rain. I love the way it sounds, the way it feels, even the way it smells. I love rolling thunder and waiting for giant webs of lightening to cover the sky. The damp, earthy smells that rise during the rain make me feel happy and alive.
Many of my childhood memories include rain. Or snow. But mostly rain.
The first time I realised how much I love the rain, I was four or five years old. It was one of those sticky summer nights, where the humidity is hanging in the air. Suddenly, a crisp breeze came through the window and cut through my bed sheet. I remember shivering, tingling like I had just swallowed minty ice cream. There was a growling and grumbling sound from the sky; thunder. CRACK! Lightening lit up the sky and the yard. Rain hurled from the sky soaking everything. The thunder and lightening continued. I lay in my bed and watched intently. I wanted to be closer.
I climbed out of bed, brushed the toys from my bedside table, climbed back onto the bed, and stepped gingerly on the top of the table. I had to stand on the table to see out of my windows! The small rectangular windows were two thirds of the way up my bedroom walls and only a foot high. I needed to inspect the storm more closely and my bedside table was the best tool for the job.
Standing on the table, peering out of the window, I stood for what seemed like hours, admiring the storm. Just as quickly as it came, it was gone. I stood on the table, looking out of the window, willing the storm to come back. When it did not, I reluctantly climbed down and into bed.
Still, decades later, I have a love affair with rain and storms. If bad storms are predicted, I wait almost impatiently for their arrival. I sit in the window, watching, occasionally narrating what is happening. If I am caught out in a storm and I feel it is safe (little/no lightening), I will sometimes just keep walking in it until I am soaked. Soaking in rainwater, droplets running off my nose and eyelashes and hair is my agnostic confessional. Except I don't have to talk or repent. The rain just washes everything away for me.
I love rain. I love the way it sounds, the way it feels, even the way it smells. I love rolling thunder and waiting for giant webs of lightening to cover the sky. The damp, earthy smells that rise during the rain make me feel happy and alive.
Many of my childhood memories include rain. Or snow. But mostly rain.
The first time I realised how much I love the rain, I was four or five years old. It was one of those sticky summer nights, where the humidity is hanging in the air. Suddenly, a crisp breeze came through the window and cut through my bed sheet. I remember shivering, tingling like I had just swallowed minty ice cream. There was a growling and grumbling sound from the sky; thunder. CRACK! Lightening lit up the sky and the yard. Rain hurled from the sky soaking everything. The thunder and lightening continued. I lay in my bed and watched intently. I wanted to be closer.
I climbed out of bed, brushed the toys from my bedside table, climbed back onto the bed, and stepped gingerly on the top of the table. I had to stand on the table to see out of my windows! The small rectangular windows were two thirds of the way up my bedroom walls and only a foot high. I needed to inspect the storm more closely and my bedside table was the best tool for the job.
Standing on the table, peering out of the window, I stood for what seemed like hours, admiring the storm. Just as quickly as it came, it was gone. I stood on the table, looking out of the window, willing the storm to come back. When it did not, I reluctantly climbed down and into bed.
Still, decades later, I have a love affair with rain and storms. If bad storms are predicted, I wait almost impatiently for their arrival. I sit in the window, watching, occasionally narrating what is happening. If I am caught out in a storm and I feel it is safe (little/no lightening), I will sometimes just keep walking in it until I am soaked. Soaking in rainwater, droplets running off my nose and eyelashes and hair is my agnostic confessional. Except I don't have to talk or repent. The rain just washes everything away for me.
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Friends.
Do you have a best friend? I'm sure you do. Most people do, even if they don't call them by that term. Maybe your best friend is your sister, brother, cousin or even your significant other or spouse. That person is your go-to person, the person you laugh with, cry with, shout at (sometimes for no particular reason).
I have been so lucky in life, to have grown up with my best friend. I also had a small group of close friends. The five (or six, depending on when) of us were together in some permutation most of the time. Sometimes, I miss those days.
And other days, I blame those days because I know what I am missing in my current 'community' and living situation. How does one make new friends? My partner is a wonderful person and very supportive, but he is not the beginning or the end of my life. I need more friends and a good network, like the one I had growing up.
Damn, I miss those girls. D'you hear me?! I miss YOU!
I get plenty of socialisation at work. The problem is, I need more socialisation with people my own age. For instance, when C is not home or out with his friends, can I call someone or have made plans in advance? Since there are only one or two people to call and they are also busy people, this makes me feel a nuisance. If I had more of a group to hang out with, I would feel less like a bother to the few people I do know.
I have been so lucky in life, to have grown up with my best friend. I also had a small group of close friends. The five (or six, depending on when) of us were together in some permutation most of the time. Sometimes, I miss those days.
And other days, I blame those days because I know what I am missing in my current 'community' and living situation. How does one make new friends? My partner is a wonderful person and very supportive, but he is not the beginning or the end of my life. I need more friends and a good network, like the one I had growing up.
Damn, I miss those girls. D'you hear me?! I miss YOU!
I get plenty of socialisation at work. The problem is, I need more socialisation with people my own age. For instance, when C is not home or out with his friends, can I call someone or have made plans in advance? Since there are only one or two people to call and they are also busy people, this makes me feel a nuisance. If I had more of a group to hang out with, I would feel less like a bother to the few people I do know.
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Good Evening.
I think I need to do a bit of planning for these posts. Right now, I am totally 'winging' it. Almost afraid I wouldn't be able to post today, we went to a gig in London. Clutch would have been totally worth missing a day of NaBloPoMo for, since they are one of the best bands. Very loud and quite catchy, if I do say so.
Shameless promotion of a fine rock band from Maryland, USA: www.pro-rock.com
What kinds of music do you like? Recommend some music? Tell me about it in the comments!
In other news, today was a better day at work. Also, I am going to see my mom in 3 weeks!
Shameless promotion of a fine rock band from Maryland, USA: www.pro-rock.com
What kinds of music do you like? Recommend some music? Tell me about it in the comments!
In other news, today was a better day at work. Also, I am going to see my mom in 3 weeks!
Monday, 2 November 2009
second verse same as the first.
I have said it before, I love my job. The hours are great, the people mostly wonderful. The only thing that could be better is the pay. But honestly? I still love it.
My job requires me to plan and execute activities for elderly people suffering from Parkinson's, dementia and stroke. I work in a local nursing home; it is always challenging and mostly fun.
I was ill at the weekend, finally well today, I was excited to go to work since I missed my Saturday shift. Maybe I am still recovering from the weekend, or maybe I woke up without all my patience, but at several points today I wished I had stayed home in bed.
Here is my rant about work:
01.It is harder to reason with octogenarians with most of their mental faculties than it is to reason with a two year old.
02.I hate being asked the same question by the same resident everyday. S/he knows the answer, because they start the conversation "I know you said X about Y, but I just wanted to know if I could do Y?" Ummmm, no. The answer is the same as it was the last time you asked.
03.People that ask if we can do G activity because it 'sounds interesting and fun' or 'that was nice the last time we did it' and then DO NOT TURN UP to the aforementioned activity. The next day/week some of these people will say, why didn't we get to do G activity?
The things I love about work:
01.I get to be fairly creative on a daily basis.
02.I speak to a variety of people each day, all with varying needs, wants, interests, abilities and limitations.
03.All of the things I dislike as well as the variety of people I am with on a daily basis keep me constantly engaged and challenged at work. Even if there is not a feasible solution.
04.Things at work make me laugh a lot. The people are funny, sometimes the situations are funny.
05.My supervisor is great. People think she is hard to get along with, but really, just DBAD and you will be fine.
My shifts on Mondays are 10:30 A.M.-5:30 P.M. and 7 P.M.-9 P.M. I stay at work between shifts, and have dinner, prepare activities for the evening and assist with supper for residents (if necessary).
By 8:30 P.M. tonight, I was losing my patience in a big way with one of the residents (Resident S). And obviously, you must endeavour to be kind and patient all the time with all the residents, so I was walking out of the room to get away from Resident S and s/he follows me!* So I retreat back to the room I just came from, and one of the other residents says, "You can't get any peace around here, can you?"
"I am just running out of energy to deal with Resident S right now."
"Then you won't ever get peace...not for love nor money!" (Laughs).
I start laughing. Resident S is now back in the room and thinks I am laughing at him/her.
I realise that I am fighting a losing battle trying to communicate and reason with Resident S. So I prepare Resident D to go back to his/her room and say good-bye to Resident S.
I have never felt so relieved.
This post brought to you by: the people at work who drive me up a wall.
*Resident S, due to their limitations has difficulty holding a 'normal' conversation. S/he will repeat and repeat and repeat a story, statement or request until s/he gets a response. Offering alternatives or solutions is a lost cause. S/he will respond "Oh no, I could never do that because X. But don't tell anyone." What?! Why is anyone going to care about that? Basically, everything in Resident S' life is a crisis, that s/he has no control over and no one can help with, though we are supposed to pander to each crisis. But by being sympathetic, s/he says 'Oh you have no idea how hard Z is or what I have to do for Y." It is a constant uphill battle with Resident S and after being at work for ten hours, it is extremely wearing.
My job requires me to plan and execute activities for elderly people suffering from Parkinson's, dementia and stroke. I work in a local nursing home; it is always challenging and mostly fun.
I was ill at the weekend, finally well today, I was excited to go to work since I missed my Saturday shift. Maybe I am still recovering from the weekend, or maybe I woke up without all my patience, but at several points today I wished I had stayed home in bed.
Here is my rant about work:
01.It is harder to reason with octogenarians with most of their mental faculties than it is to reason with a two year old.
02.I hate being asked the same question by the same resident everyday. S/he knows the answer, because they start the conversation "I know you said X about Y, but I just wanted to know if I could do Y?" Ummmm, no. The answer is the same as it was the last time you asked.
03.People that ask if we can do G activity because it 'sounds interesting and fun' or 'that was nice the last time we did it' and then DO NOT TURN UP to the aforementioned activity. The next day/week some of these people will say, why didn't we get to do G activity?
The things I love about work:
01.I get to be fairly creative on a daily basis.
02.I speak to a variety of people each day, all with varying needs, wants, interests, abilities and limitations.
03.All of the things I dislike as well as the variety of people I am with on a daily basis keep me constantly engaged and challenged at work. Even if there is not a feasible solution.
04.Things at work make me laugh a lot. The people are funny, sometimes the situations are funny.
05.My supervisor is great. People think she is hard to get along with, but really, just DBAD and you will be fine.
My shifts on Mondays are 10:30 A.M.-5:30 P.M. and 7 P.M.-9 P.M. I stay at work between shifts, and have dinner, prepare activities for the evening and assist with supper for residents (if necessary).
By 8:30 P.M. tonight, I was losing my patience in a big way with one of the residents (Resident S). And obviously, you must endeavour to be kind and patient all the time with all the residents, so I was walking out of the room to get away from Resident S and s/he follows me!* So I retreat back to the room I just came from, and one of the other residents says, "You can't get any peace around here, can you?"
"I am just running out of energy to deal with Resident S right now."
"Then you won't ever get peace...not for love nor money!" (Laughs).
I start laughing. Resident S is now back in the room and thinks I am laughing at him/her.
I realise that I am fighting a losing battle trying to communicate and reason with Resident S. So I prepare Resident D to go back to his/her room and say good-bye to Resident S.
I have never felt so relieved.
This post brought to you by: the people at work who drive me up a wall.
*Resident S, due to their limitations has difficulty holding a 'normal' conversation. S/he will repeat and repeat and repeat a story, statement or request until s/he gets a response. Offering alternatives or solutions is a lost cause. S/he will respond "Oh no, I could never do that because X. But don't tell anyone." What?! Why is anyone going to care about that? Basically, everything in Resident S' life is a crisis, that s/he has no control over and no one can help with, though we are supposed to pander to each crisis. But by being sympathetic, s/he says 'Oh you have no idea how hard Z is or what I have to do for Y." It is a constant uphill battle with Resident S and after being at work for ten hours, it is extremely wearing.
Sunday, 1 November 2009
NaBloPoMo
And so, it is November 2009. Time flies.
This November, I have committed to NaBloPoMo. My aspirations are to become one of those 'bloggers'; writers who put their craft into cyberspace each day. A lofty goal, I know. A joke, perhaps?
I have always been a writer, preferring paper and pen to typing on a computer. Somehow, the words seem to flow, like extensions of my own mind, my own body, through ink. The computer has always seemed more forced. I tried using a typewriter for several years, it was fun and challenging, but never the same as pen and paper.
As a child, I wrote short stories with illustrations and told my grandmother I'd be famous for writing one day, as she hole-punched my creations and bound them with a shoelace.
So here is my own challenge, along with all the other daily things that need to be accomplished. I will be posting each day this month. An anecdote here, my weekly recap on Fridays, my adventure at the end of the month back to the United States for a visit with my family...follow on the journey, as I figure out how to write each day with a computer instead of my trusty pen.
This November, I have committed to NaBloPoMo. My aspirations are to become one of those 'bloggers'; writers who put their craft into cyberspace each day. A lofty goal, I know. A joke, perhaps?
I have always been a writer, preferring paper and pen to typing on a computer. Somehow, the words seem to flow, like extensions of my own mind, my own body, through ink. The computer has always seemed more forced. I tried using a typewriter for several years, it was fun and challenging, but never the same as pen and paper.
As a child, I wrote short stories with illustrations and told my grandmother I'd be famous for writing one day, as she hole-punched my creations and bound them with a shoelace.
So here is my own challenge, along with all the other daily things that need to be accomplished. I will be posting each day this month. An anecdote here, my weekly recap on Fridays, my adventure at the end of the month back to the United States for a visit with my family...follow on the journey, as I figure out how to write each day with a computer instead of my trusty pen.
Saturday, 12 September 2009
in which i review my epistemology and challenge my ontology of organised religion
I swear I do this every few months. And never get anywhere, so let's see if I can get to the bottom of my 'need' to go to church. I find it distressing that I don't have a community in this city. I just feel out of place. And I keep coming back to the question, is it cheap to make friends/build your community from a church setting?
What if your ontology (Ontology is concerned with the nature of being or reality. It seeks to answer the questions: What can be said to exist? Into what categories, if any, can we sort existing things?) Atheists cannot prove that God does not exist (any more than theists can prove that God does exist) regarding organised religion and god(s) is not fixed?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
I keep thinking that maybe I should find a church that fits. Or go back to any church, to see if Christianity fits. I miss the community and the intellectual stimulation of a church community. (I know, not all churches provide intellectual stimulation, but I am looking for the ability to question the church/holy book/etc and having a debate/discussion without being told to STFU).
My epistemological position is agnosticism, because there is insufficient knowledge to say that there is definitely a god/gods. Agnosticism is not a belief, per se, because agnostics cannot clearly assert a position.
Regarding my ontological position on god(s) and organised religion:
I grew up in church. I believed a lot of the morals, ethics and guidelines from a protestant perspective. I had respect for the Bible and the church and other believers. I don't think that the Bible is a non-fiction book, I don't think it is (or should be) part of modern Christianity to evangelise other cultures, people, religions, etc. I don't think that the Bible and church are the answer for everyone. I don't think they are the answer to everything.
I don't think people who participate in church or have most of their lives entwined with an organised religion are 'sheep'. I don't think that they 'don't know any better' or are stupid. I acknowledge their choice(s) and respect them. I admire the community that church or organised religions create. I admire believers' faith, devotion and tenacity in the face of hatred, scorn, ignorance and adversity.
I do not like the feeling that organised religion can influence my choice(s) about my body, home, family, dress, income and occupation. I do not want to be told how to worship or judged for the worship choice(s) I may make. I do not want a proscribed time, place, method or order for any worship I may/may not choose.
In short, my ontological position is that I believe there is a god or gods. I do not feel that attending Christian worship services will make me feel more comfortable with my beliefs or how I feel it is appropriate to act on those beliefs.
I think I have actually got this sorted out now. I feel much more at ease. A couple hours research into world religions, a review of my sociology notes on religion, and some soul-searching.
I do feel it is cheap to try to make friends/build a community for oneself through a church setting, if you are uncomfortable with church or organised religion. It is hypocritical, even if you believe in the same god(s) to participate in a service that is meaningless to you.
Despite everything, I think I can make this work for me. Maybe yoga or Taoism?
What if your ontology (Ontology is concerned with the nature of being or reality. It seeks to answer the questions: What can be said to exist? Into what categories, if any, can we sort existing things?) Atheists cannot prove that God does not exist (any more than theists can prove that God does exist) regarding organised religion and god(s) is not fixed?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
I keep thinking that maybe I should find a church that fits. Or go back to any church, to see if Christianity fits. I miss the community and the intellectual stimulation of a church community. (I know, not all churches provide intellectual stimulation, but I am looking for the ability to question the church/holy book/etc and having a debate/discussion without being told to STFU).
My epistemological position is agnosticism, because there is insufficient knowledge to say that there is definitely a god/gods. Agnosticism is not a belief, per se, because agnostics cannot clearly assert a position.
Regarding my ontological position on god(s) and organised religion:
I grew up in church. I believed a lot of the morals, ethics and guidelines from a protestant perspective. I had respect for the Bible and the church and other believers. I don't think that the Bible is a non-fiction book, I don't think it is (or should be) part of modern Christianity to evangelise other cultures, people, religions, etc. I don't think that the Bible and church are the answer for everyone. I don't think they are the answer to everything.
I don't think people who participate in church or have most of their lives entwined with an organised religion are 'sheep'. I don't think that they 'don't know any better' or are stupid. I acknowledge their choice(s) and respect them. I admire the community that church or organised religions create. I admire believers' faith, devotion and tenacity in the face of hatred, scorn, ignorance and adversity.
I do not like the feeling that organised religion can influence my choice(s) about my body, home, family, dress, income and occupation. I do not want to be told how to worship or judged for the worship choice(s) I may make. I do not want a proscribed time, place, method or order for any worship I may/may not choose.
In short, my ontological position is that I believe there is a god or gods. I do not feel that attending Christian worship services will make me feel more comfortable with my beliefs or how I feel it is appropriate to act on those beliefs.
I think I have actually got this sorted out now. I feel much more at ease. A couple hours research into world religions, a review of my sociology notes on religion, and some soul-searching.
I do feel it is cheap to try to make friends/build a community for oneself through a church setting, if you are uncomfortable with church or organised religion. It is hypocritical, even if you believe in the same god(s) to participate in a service that is meaningless to you.
Despite everything, I think I can make this work for me. Maybe yoga or Taoism?
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