Day 10: A Recipe

Today was a long day. I have a cold. I am so happy and lucky to have the job I do, because I work with a bunch of nurses. And they take good care of everyone.

Even so, I had to come home and eat dinner. I didn't want C to eat cereal or toast, even though I know he can and would eat either happily (he can also cook, but he has been doing a lot lately).

Something quick and healthy was important. I decided to make a staple dish in our house, 'Mexican Beans and Rice'.

Mexican Beans and Rice

1 cup cooked brown rice
1 16 oz tin black beans, drained and rinsed
1 16 oz tin corn, drained and rinsed
1 cup spring (or green) onions, finely chopped
Cumin*
Paprika*
Cayenne pepper*
Cilantro (or Coriander)*

*spices to taste

Mix all ingredients together and heat through. Serve as tacos or burritos, or as a nacho topping. Also delicious with shredded grilled chicken. Garnish with salsa, cheese or other favourites!

Enjoy.


(picture is from www.mccormick.com as I could not find a good picture of this recipe on my laptop.)

20 things

The following are a list of things I would like to accomplish in my life. Brought to you by the fact that I am sick.


1.Be published. (Again.)
2.Have a happy, successful and committed marriage.
3.Travel to New Zealand.
4.Run a half-marathon.
5.Travel around Europe in an RV.
6.Follow the Tour de France.
7.Learn another language (Italian, German or Welsh).
8.Read 52 books in one year.
9.Go camping in the Peaks or Scottish Highlands.
10.Have and raise children.
11.Knit a big project (i.e. shawl or sweater)for myself.
12.See the fjords in Scandinavia.
13.Visit British Columbia.
14.Have a large garden.
15.Get a DSLR and learn/teach myself to take good photographs
16.Grow my hair really long, just because.
17.Have a library in my house.
18.Attend Michigan Womyn's Music Festival
19.Drive across North America.
20.Build a greenhouse.

Sunday Poem

This Is Just To Say
by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold


The above is my favourite poem. I love its simplicity. The image of a cold refrigerator, cold, crisp, ripe plums. I imagine that this poem was a note on the kitchen table, an apology for taking his wife's delicious breakfast, which he enjoyed. It conveys imagery, a sincere apology and an appreciation for the fruit.

"All endings are also beginnings..." -Mitch Albom

When I lost my job at the end of June, I was devastated not so much about the job itself, but about the possibilities that it had closed for me. I felt very lost for a few days or a week and it felt strange to wake up in the morning and get dressed, only to stay at home.

After that first week of shock, I began to get into a routine of job searching, CV (or resume) updating/editing, going into town to pass my CV to anyone who was considering taking new employees and baking furiously.

I had a new beginning after the loss of my job when I really appreciated the time I spent at home (and job searching). When I started my current job, another transition occurred.

Switching jobs is only one type of ending and beginning. There are obviously other endings and beginnings that happen throughout life.

The big ending and beginning that is fast approaching for both C and I is our wedding next year. Yes, it is only one day. Yes, it should be an important day. It is not going to be "THE" most important day in our lives.

This is my issue with the wedding, and mine alone. It really comes to the heart of the question, what's in a name?

It is important to me because I will end my years as Danielle Lastname and begin my years as Danielle Hislastname. I am simultaneously looking forward to this ending and dreading it. The new beginning as C's wife and the beginning of our family together is exciting. I am glad to be choosing him. I am glad he chose me.

But changing my name seems so scary! My childhood nickname which was based on LastName will no longer apply. I am afraid to lose my father's last name, one that my brother and I share. Changing my name frightens me because somehow I feel I won't be as close to my father or brother, if I do not share their last name. I realise this is irrational and ludicrous, but it is one of my fears about all the changes that will occur when I marry C.

I am glad to have this new beginning with C. I choose him as my new 'first' family and I am (for the most part) happy to take his name. I will be sad to 'lose' my childhood name, but that name will always be mine and a part of me. I am not just Danielle Lastname. My identity transcends my name. The last name I share with my father and brother will always be mine and a part of me.

When I take C's last name, it will be for 'our family'. For us. For the children we may bring into the world one day. I choose C and I choose his last name. An ending for me. A beginning for us.

Friday Five

Each Friday, I will be posting five things that were good about the week. These could be really exciting or fairly mundane. I do this list every week in my notebooks or in my day planner. It really helps me to see all the good things in my life.

1. A great fiance, who does dishes, takes out rubbish and takes me to the supermarket at 9 p.m. to buy cake.
2. The gym at the end of my road. Making it easier to get healthy (forget what I just said about cake, ok?) and there are no excuses because it is so close!
3. A job that makes me laugh everyday. (I will share some funny stories soon!)
4. Phone calls from my mom. Even though I know she misses me, she still finds the strength to encourage me to pursue and live my dream every day.
5. My day off on Fridays. I love waking up a little bit later, going to the gym, lounging in my pajamas and then running errands and doing housework. I would be a great stay at home person.

Share your Friday Five on your blog or in the comments! Hope you've had a good week!

my confession and a memory.

On average, it rains 200 days per year in England. Over that two-hundred or so days, it rains more than 30 inches.

I love rain. I love the way it sounds, the way it feels, even the way it smells. I love rolling thunder and waiting for giant webs of lightening to cover the sky. The damp, earthy smells that rise during the rain make me feel happy and alive.

Many of my childhood memories include rain. Or snow. But mostly rain.

The first time I realised how much I love the rain, I was four or five years old. It was one of those sticky summer nights, where the humidity is hanging in the air. Suddenly, a crisp breeze came through the window and cut through my bed sheet. I remember shivering, tingling like I had just swallowed minty ice cream. There was a growling and grumbling sound from the sky; thunder. CRACK! Lightening lit up the sky and the yard. Rain hurled from the sky soaking everything. The thunder and lightening continued. I lay in my bed and watched intently. I wanted to be closer.

I climbed out of bed, brushed the toys from my bedside table, climbed back onto the bed, and stepped gingerly on the top of the table. I had to stand on the table to see out of my windows! The small rectangular windows were two thirds of the way up my bedroom walls and only a foot high. I needed to inspect the storm more closely and my bedside table was the best tool for the job.

Standing on the table, peering out of the window, I stood for what seemed like hours, admiring the storm. Just as quickly as it came, it was gone. I stood on the table, looking out of the window, willing the storm to come back. When it did not, I reluctantly climbed down and into bed.

Still, decades later, I have a love affair with rain and storms. If bad storms are predicted, I wait almost impatiently for their arrival. I sit in the window, watching, occasionally narrating what is happening. If I am caught out in a storm and I feel it is safe (little/no lightening), I will sometimes just keep walking in it until I am soaked. Soaking in rainwater, droplets running off my nose and eyelashes and hair is my agnostic confessional. Except I don't have to talk or repent. The rain just washes everything away for me.

Friends.

Do you have a best friend? I'm sure you do. Most people do, even if they don't call them by that term. Maybe your best friend is your sister, brother, cousin or even your significant other or spouse. That person is your go-to person, the person you laugh with, cry with, shout at (sometimes for no particular reason).

I have been so lucky in life, to have grown up with my best friend. I also had a small group of close friends. The five (or six, depending on when) of us were together in some permutation most of the time. Sometimes, I miss those days.

And other days, I blame those days because I know what I am missing in my current 'community' and living situation. How does one make new friends? My partner is a wonderful person and very supportive, but he is not the beginning or the end of my life. I need more friends and a good network, like the one I had growing up.

Damn, I miss those girls. D'you hear me?! I miss YOU!

I get plenty of socialisation at work. The problem is, I need more socialisation with people my own age. For instance, when C is not home or out with his friends, can I call someone or have made plans in advance? Since there are only one or two people to call and they are also busy people, this makes me feel a nuisance. If I had more of a group to hang out with, I would feel less like a bother to the few people I do know.